All the news that’s fit to print?

I’ve realised that over the last couple of months, I’ve been very vain. This blog has been all me-me-me. And it would just be outrageously narcissistic of me to deny that there are fascinating things going on right across the world. So, today, in a special limited-edition blog posting, I’ve decided to share some of the highlights I’ve collected from a truly wonderful newspaper called the New Indian Express.

  • Headline: Malaysia restaurant owner in big trouble
  • Headline: 8 of wedding party hurt in mishap (their car collided with a lorry)
  • Headline: Complaint filed against Stalin for bribing voters (as should be obvious, this refers to Mr M K Stalin, Deputy Chief Minister of Tamilnadu)
  • Three persons were nabbed by the police on Monday … a lion’s share of the stolen idols have been recovered … The accused, Satan Manoj (alias ‘Manoj’)…
  • A particularly gripping story about how a flight from Cochin to Sri Lanka was delayed by 20 minutes!
  • A loose picture with the caption, A prisoner kisses his pet parrot as part of the Correctional Bird Program.
  • …and sleuths from the Anti-corruption and Vigilance Wing formed a plan to nab the Joint Director of Agriculture.
  • The body of a woman was recovered from a freezer in a grocery store on Tuesday. The police are likely to question the shop’s owner.
  • …However, the prawn farmer was not in his house when the raid was conducted. He is said to be absconding.

And finally, the most Watergate-like of the articles:

And now for the competition…

This week’s competition is, quite simply, to establish who has the most boring story to share, in the same vein as ‘flight delayed 20 minutes’!

Coming up in the New Gabrielinindian Express

COEXISTENCE IN KERALA: the dramatic story of how I ended up touring a Jewish cemetery accompanied by three giggling, veiled Muslim schoolgirls.

WINCREDIBLE !NDIA [yes, I’m afraid that was an actual headline…]: cricket fervour and its associated acts of crass racist vandalism.

AND MORE! Tune in soon.

Advertisements

4 Responses to All the news that’s fit to print?

  1. vince says:

    The following story did not make the UK national press.

    AMAZING NON-VANISHING FOOTBALL
    Kingston allottment gardner, Vince Daly, told this reporter how, whilst weeding his raspberry patch last week, he was amazed to discover a plastic inflatable imitation football patterned in alternating blue and whate hexagonals and nestling unbidden amongst the fruit canes.

    He roundly searched the complete exterior of the unwanted visitor for any evidence to identify its owner but found none. Noting that the object was seemingly undamaged and that his vegetables had suffered no lasting harm, he decided against involving the local or national security serrvices and placed the playful sphere at a safe distance from the water butt.

    Prof. Daly was amazed to discover on the following morning that it was still there.

  2. Pingback: This little piggy went to prison « Gabrielquotes

  3. Pingback: The (second) Great Sussex Results Scandal | Gabrielquotes

  4. Pingback: Asylum seekers see red – Gabrielquotes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: