Dem bones, dem bones…

Sorry for posting again quite so soon, but I’d like to share the burden of my horrific experience watching a bone-setter at work.

David Cameron's plans for reform of the NHS take an unexpected direction...

In the village of Nonti Pandy (I’m fairly certain that I have the Fireman Sam-like spelling correct), over 1000 patients have their bones set every day. You can hardly move without tripping over a bandaged cripple, and thus narrowly avoid needing treatment yourself! My colleagues and I were treated as if we were the first white people ever to set foot in the locale: residents photographed us, children chased after us.

In the “biggest and best” practice, several so-called surgeons sat about fiddling with people’s skeletons for 20-30 Rupees [around 35p] a go. They chuckled together while restraining a streaming, struggling boy, frangilating his fracture and tieing a bamboo cane to it.

One tiny elderly woman fainted with the pain of having her injured wrist mauled about, only to have her next of kin informed that there was no actual fracture, so she was outside the clinic’s remit and should consider using a hospital. Her son splashed water onto her face from an old 7-Up bottle and carried her out.

The bone-setter-in-chief, whose family has led the way in this particular branch of alleged science for over 200 years (apparently; “I trust experience more than science,”) had the chutzpah to caution us against using quacks and other imposters in the village claiming to be expert bone-setters! From the screams which greeted our ears while we were drinking complimentary sweet tea, this certainly seemed like good advice.

‘Next time on the blog’ teaser trailer…

“Gangsters and local rowdies will sometimes come to the workshop and buy knives,” explained Vijay Kumara (32) during the interview, “but usually just for protection, because gun sales are restricted. Only a few come here wanting to kill.”

Tune in about Monday for more on this. Unless you’re a libel lawyer.

It’s competition time!

The other day, I received the following message on my Indian mobile: Congrats:You have Won 365000GBP And Two Phones In The Ongoing Cocacola mobile Promo UK.Send Ur Name,Address,Tel No. toMr.Steven

I’ve not heard back from Mr Steven yet, but it’s inspired me with a competitive spirit, so I’m inviting anybody to comment and suggest possible slogans and taglines for somebody involved in the bone-setting business. Below are a few ideas to start you off.

  • …connecting the hip-bone to the neck-bone since 1811.
  • …tibia or not tibia.
  • …incontravertebral evidence of success.
  • …skill and cross-bones.

3 Responses to Dem bones, dem bones…

  1. Sandra Webber says:

    “The 20 rupee Bone-anza!”

  2. vince says:

    It’s a great idea for a cartoon book – intrepid boy reporter braves exotic dangers, accompanied only by his dog Snowy, his friend Captain Haddock, … What? No dog? No Haddock? No that won’t work – nobody would believe it.

  3. Lester says:

    We make no bones about our service…

    Urbone culture…

    We understand that fractures aren’t all they’re cracked up to be…

    No broken promises…

    Taking auditions for this year’s “Bone Idol”…

    We leave some meat on the bone…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: